I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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