Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
