Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
