I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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