She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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