he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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