and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
