Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
