Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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