1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
