hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
