I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
