i just sent this text using only my big toe
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
