While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
