NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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