He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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