good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
