Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
