Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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