Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
