How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
