Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
