girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
