I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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