The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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