she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
