I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
