We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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