Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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