someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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