Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
