Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk is a universal language darling
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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