Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
