It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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