The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
