theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
