he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
