hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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