she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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