I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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