Screwed.edu
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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