do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
