I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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