What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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