I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
