i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
