youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
