Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
