They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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