Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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