i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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