Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you traded sex for a burrito?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
