They should really pass out barf bags in church
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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