I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
