I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
