I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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